Dear mothers who want to quit!

Dear mothers who want to quit,

DO NOT QUIT!

I know how you feel like a single parent, despite being in a relationship.

I know it feels like the weight of the world is on your shoulders and that no one really cares that you stayed up till 2 am folding laundry or that you are tired, and making sure all the chores are done ready for the sunrise. Or the fact you are overlooked. I know you sit in the car and put your head on the steering wheel and the tears roll down at times. I know that sometimes you just want to throw in the towel and whisper (or scream) that you’ve had enough of all of this. I know you shake with anger, and silently weep away the stress and loneliness.

I know, because I feel the same way at times.

I remember sitting in the bathroom behind the door with my head in my hands as my tears dropped on my knee, thinking that I couldn’t do this anymore. Feeling like a single parent when I am in the relationship. Thinking I never made a difference. Even though I knew if I stood still, who would clean, who would change nappies and get my little munchkins smiling or even feed them? No one, I knew I was their super hero. Maybe when their older they would realise I tackled all the milestones, tasks and tantrums by myself. But right now, I was struggling.

As I spent hours cleaning, and preparing and planning the day, spending hours on end teaching and experiencing new skills with my children helping them go forward whether it was a new word or walking. I felt like I was treading backwards, sinking further and further.

The time that I struggled was after the birth of my second child, Jacob. A couple of days I was finally at home, already setting the challenge of getting my toddler Sienna into her routine. I was hopeless, emotional, desperate for help……But I was by myself, my partner went back to work with no paternity leave. A couple of weeks later I broke down….Labelled depressed. I wish I sought help quicker. Even then I knew I was expected to plod on like nothing happened, plod on like the pills I was taking wasn’t making me feel like a zombie.

I remember thinking and crying I can do this! You can do this!

They may be hard hours, hard days, hard months. But who else to pull through than their superhero? Called……Mum. Mom, Mam, Mother, Momma! We are undefeatable.

You can pick yourself up, brush off the words that hold you back, and if you have been hurting, we can keep those tears at bay while we get ready. Because we can be a mom today, we NEED to be a mum today. You can look in your children’s eyes and tell them how much you love them  Despite remembering how much they sassed back to you this morning , or how many times they have thrown themselves to the floor because they want chicken nuggets for breakfast. But you can love them unconditionally - we can show it day in and day out, because that is the truth.

A wise friend told me that “A mother understand what a child cannot say.”, whether their days old or years old, we know what our child needs before they say it, or sometimes before they know. We are synchronised to put other needs first. If I had to be honest, I love my job….not many people can say that.

 

What about all the times you have felt like you have messed up? No tell me about all the times you have been amazing and done it perfectly? Who encourages your little ones to go the extra mile, reach a little further? Who does messy paint? And who digs in the mud, or bakes cakes? Who spends time sat down showing your little one how to play with new toys? Or take their first step or crawl? You! Without you they would be sat in the chair watching rubbish television shows or strapped playing xbox! You encourage learning, and make it fun! You’re their cleaner, artist, teacher, teddy, coach, chief and many more.

I asked a few friends what they found difficult about being a single parent and feeling like a single parent. The real answer is “it is harder to expect some help and get none than do it all on your own without expectation.” In all honesty it is true.

So please do not give up, if anything get up and make a difference like you have so many other times. Because that little one is counting on you. They will notice when their older that you have been there from day one.

I believe in you

Your munchkins believe in you!

You have got this, sweet dear mother.

From

Momma Bear

Terrible twos, tantrum threes.. with all the love

From bump to baby is an incredible, endearing and emotional experience that is filled with joy, love and kindness. From my experience after birth, it is just a haze, days blend together, and before you know it you are celebrating your little ones first birthday. As a parent you have a right to feel anxious at how fast time can fly by, and soon you will be slowly approaching TERRIBLE TWO’s.

I hear a lot of parents share their stories of their little precious cherubs suddenly turning into terrible, hard-headed toddlers. Smiles and Snuggles had been traded for tantrums and time-outs. Baths had become missions and dinnertime a danger zone. Everyone for themselves! And take cover, ring a bell?

Yet although I can sit and nod in agreement, because all parents go through this stage not knowing where you will end. It saddens me, because the there is no doubt the terrible two comes with challenges, but they also represent a time of great milestones, imagination and determination from our ever learning angels. Even in the darkest moments, I am smitten because the constant arguments and solid ‘no’ just proves my daughter is finally taking a stand in what she wants and showing me that she has the capability to hold a voice all on her own.

So I challenge and welcome the reasons to love this pivotal age, knowing that one day soon I will look back and wish it had not passed so quickly, like I do so very often.

Ten things to consider when you are preparing for war.

1)    Their strong will, and determination can exhaust you out. But they are leaders in the making, getting ready to choose what they want. So god damn anyone who gets in the way if they want sauce on their Weetabix for tea. Always give a toddler option two options, it allows them to feel in control. Which may result in less tantrums, because let’s be realistic no one likes getting told what to do.

2)    Adventurous? We all have an element hidden away. There's a fine line between shielding your toddler from danger and frustration, and smothering him. Unless there's an immediate danger, let your child climb the stairs, step in the puddle, and they get dirty, it is in their nature to be curious and to try everything.

3)    Creativity? Finding dead bugs in your shoes, or hiding in the cupboard to find where your little one has stashed your tampons for lunch is not exactly our way to express our creativities. But do not forget they are a blank canvas, wanting to express their feeling and creativity in any way possible. Carefully guided it can become a topic enjoyable, otherwise it is destruction and crayons décor on your walls never seems appealing. So I would suggest to limit the area, sand pit, paint, crayon, tree house painting, and sticking sessions.

4)    Two-year-olds are notorious with a stubborn attitude that can discourage even the most patient parents. They can do it them self, even if it takes all day to slip on their shoes. They will eventually do it, so take a breather and offer them help, do not simply do for them.

5)    As for meltdown moments, take comfort in the fact that if we just wait a few minutes, our tumultuous toddlers will soon forget and be over what's ailing them.

6)    Crying one minute and laughing the next. Toddlers are an example of an emotional roller coaster. If they throw a tantrum remember they are still trying to figure out their emotions, and are still figuring out how to express what’s wrong. So sit down and just give them a cuddle. It is our most deadly weapon that cure anything.

7)    From colours to shapes to songs, little ones love to learn new things, dissect toys, follow critters and explore various environments. Involving your toddler in hands-on activities, you can encourage her curiosity for life and its mysteries. After all, parents are their most important teachers, and children make the best students.

8)     By embracing their naturally soft-hearted natures, and nurturing them with patience and gentle guidance. We can guide them to interaction, they may not speak, but they understand more than you realise. They will take you by storm with the constant surprises and determination to suffice their earning of anything new. They will not give up! And neither should you.

9)    It is the simple pleasures that give any toddler the most joy a spoon and a pan, or a simple cardboard box can flip into a house and transform into a space shuttle. Their imagination will run wild, they just require the fuel.

10) When life's inevitable boo-boos come their way, tots often need nothing more than a kiss from Mom or Dad. This affectionate gesture is a parent's most powerful tool, for what toddlers need most at this tender age is love, direction, and the security of knowing a parent's comforting embrace is always an arm's reach away. Self-soothing? It is absolute tosh, which is sugar coated with the pleasant name. It is a myth, it’s a skill they develop when their brains distinguish it. What is wrong with a hug or kiss?]

So overall a tantrum could lead to anything, from a head ache, a laugh, a soppy cuddle or simple outbreak. They are misunderstand and what make it harder is not having the patience to guide your little one to security and to entertain the ever expanding knowledge they earn to develop. Take a couple of breaths, and whether too have an audience or not just remember you are there role model, and mimic behaviour, they need their super hero more than any other time now.

Sweet dreams.