The unavoidable breakdown

All Parents have a break down at some point….. Mine was today!

The break down came from nowhere --- well I guess it was build up after all you don’t explode for no reason….. Right?

Taking a minute to reflect on this morning i cannot pinpoint what went wrong, or why I broke down…I assume it was the build-up of everything that’s been thrown at me… My health deteriorating and Battling with myself (work but missing being a stay at home mom). Then my daughter is having difficulty managing her emotions, and the change circumstances --- Then there’s my son who is a Velcro toddler, and we have just took his dummy off him. I guess thinking about it now; I should have seen the odds against me. I should have prepared myself and at least attempted to find a solution.

After a few issues this morning sienna ended up in her room. I heard her scream and then burst into tears…..Dad would say she gets that trait from me, i tend to disagree. When I went upstairs I asked if she would like to talk… ‘No’ was her answer! 

So i told her when she felt like talking i am here. However, Being rejected and knowing she didn't want to talk to me, made me upset. So i went to my room, out the way of my kids and partner. At first I was ashamed as I sank down the wall in tears, shaking and screaming at the tops of my lungs to let my emotions out. After a few minutes, after i settled myself it hit me sometimes it takes an overwhelming breakdown to have an undeniable breakthrough. Letting your emotions out is a way to heal, it clears your mind, and it helps you start again. I felt crap, eyes stinging, dry throat, and tired but i felt clear.

Ten minutes later a little lady came in, and wanted a ‘huggle’, I obliged, we both needed it. After sobbing together, talking and apologizing for exploding, my little lady surprised me “it’s okay mammy, you never ever should hide it” and she is right! What sort of role model would I be to hide my emotions from her when I always discuss and cheer her on for sharing hers? I was been put right.....by my 3 year old daughter, and i couldn't be happier. She could have chosen to tell me off, or to tell me to shut up, but instead she noticed i was sad, and told me never to hide my feelings. How can anyone help you if your not willing to share your problems? My daughter was willing to comfort me despite seeing me fall apart and act like shes never witnessed before.....That small show of love made all the difference.....

And then I fell apart and it was the most beautiful moment ever, because right then, I realized that I could put the pieces back together the way I wanted them.  If my daughter could pick herself up, I could do it.  So I calmed down, and told myself; I will breathe, I will think of a solution! I will not let my worry control me! I will not let stress break me! I will simply breathe, and it will be okay. Because I do not quit! I have two adorable, loving children looking up to me. I am there superhero, and I will not be beaten!

So what I’m trying to say is a bad moment, a bad day, even a bad week, does not make you a bad parent.  A child fills a place in your heart that you never knew was empty. So breathe, they will give you a reason to get back up, and fight.

Being a parent isn’t easy, we are allowed break downs. It is the hardest yet the most rewarding experience ever.  ‘Sometimes you have to experience the bad to appreciate the good that enter your life.’

 I can promise you, getting back up after falling feels amazing!

You have this!

Love A Momma Bear Finding her way!

A Mother's Guilty Mind

Stop Feeling guilty!

 It is this precise message that parents will choose to take home.  I think there’s a tremendous amount of guilt that goes on between a parent and their children. It doesn’t whether the relationship is good or bad, it doesn’t matter on the parenting style they follow. Guilt is an enemy of us all. Guilt is inevitable in today’s society.

Now I don’t know about you , but since I have become a mother, I spend majority of my time defending my actions, my choices , my parenting techniques.  I spend hours researching about being a mother and preparing meals, parenting styles, the cons and pros of some ideas for example ‘gentle parenting , baby led weaning, scientific approach of early weaning,  breast feeding ….. And yet I have no degree, no qualification, just knowledge of what I have used to determine the best way for me and my children.

I think while all mothers deal with feeling of guilt, working mothers are plagued by guilt… On steroids. I have only fathomed the intense experience of my guilt levels increasing since starting my legal internship, working  9-5. Whilst some of my issues haven’t changed like; tackling new recipes to try and get the nutrients in my children. Gently handling tantrums the way I have always done (no shouting, give options so they don’t feel we are in competition of control ), time in when they are having a bad day -----or if they just need me for a hug. Some have so here’s a list of my inner battles.

1)      I feel like I get no time for my children.  In the morning we fall out of bed at 4-6am……and drag ourselves about getting ready for the day. By 8am they are at day care…… and I do not see them till they are fighting sleep at 5.30 pm, then it’s a tackle to bath them. I am lucky if I get 10 minutes of snuggles before we are all hitting ZZZZZ Land, with grinding teeth, feet in the face, and snores that could wake the neighbours!

2)      Cleaning? My House is still clean and tidy, but I feel cleaning each day is impossible of a task. When I pick my children up, we go home, get a bath and then lounge on the bed watching the Gruffalo or room on the broom!

3)      Food? Should I correct that too weekend meals?  It’s our only days fully together…. And I have to place all my energy in to organise and prepare healthy meals that may or may not get eaten depending on my daughter and son emotions that day.

4)      Time in? Activities? Trying to persuade my children we cannot have a veg day, and to do something productive….. We are tired, exhausted from a busy week.  Yet I still try to get us all involved in a family activity whether that painting plant pots, making stick family, digging in the mud, or spotting spiders.

5)       The off days! Are we allowed to complain? Even though we have them off days?  You would rather spend all day cuddling your children than go to work. You use all your brain power to go to work to be miserable but it’s a necessity to earn a wage.

6)      Their off days! Yes the children are capable of off days. There’s may occur more often than ours. They cling to your legs, there smile drops slightly, there become quite clingy insisting they are ill, or they don’t want to go to school/childcare/nursery or they don’t want you to leave. The carer words “they’ll be fine once you leave” never comfort you, because you know deep down they aren’t fine, they want you, there just withholding their emotions until someone who they care about comes for them again.

                                                                                                                                           

Be honest.  How many of you have cried, and when questioned you cannot fully explain why you feel that way……. If you are lucky and manage to explain fully why you are crying the most likely response is ‘stop feeling guilty’. But you can’t! It’s simple you just can’t stop feeling guilty…… yet we try our hardest.

Guilt is not always a rational thing…….guilt is a weight that will crush you whether you deserve it or not. So those mothers that feel guilt even though you are working you ass off and what time you get with your children are spending it the way you WANT then Fuck the guilt, enjoy them time you have. My daughter is only three years old and she said to me “mam is beautiful because she cares” …… I never give up trying to better my parenting.  There’s always room to learn, there plenty of room to fail…..But don’t let the bad cloud the good J