Stop Feeling guilty!
It is this precise
message that parents will choose to take home. I think there’s a tremendous amount of guilt
that goes on between a parent and their children. It doesn’t whether the relationship
is good or bad, it doesn’t matter on the parenting style they follow. Guilt is
an enemy of us all. Guilt is inevitable in today’s society.
Now I don’t know about you , but since I have become a
mother, I spend majority of my time defending my actions, my choices , my
parenting techniques. I spend hours researching
about being a mother and preparing meals, parenting styles, the cons and pros
of some ideas for example ‘gentle parenting , baby led weaning, scientific approach
of early weaning, breast feeding ….. And
yet I have no degree, no qualification, just knowledge of what I have used to
determine the best way for me and my children.
I think while all mothers deal with feeling of guilt, working
mothers are plagued by guilt… On steroids. I have only fathomed the intense
experience of my guilt levels increasing since starting my legal internship,
working 9-5. Whilst some of my issues haven’t
changed like; tackling new recipes to try and get the nutrients in my children.
Gently handling tantrums the way I have always done (no shouting, give options
so they don’t feel we are in competition of control ), time in when they are
having a bad day -----or if they just need me for a hug. Some have so here’s a
list of my inner battles.
1)
I feel like I get no time for my children. In the morning we fall out of bed at 4-6am……and
drag ourselves about getting ready for the day. By 8am they are at day care……
and I do not see them till they are fighting sleep at 5.30 pm, then it’s a tackle
to bath them. I am lucky if I get 10 minutes of snuggles before we are all
hitting ZZZZZ Land, with grinding teeth, feet in the face, and snores that
could wake the neighbours!
2)
Cleaning? My House is still clean and tidy, but I
feel cleaning each day is impossible of a task. When I pick my children up, we
go home, get a bath and then lounge on the bed watching the Gruffalo or room on
the broom!
3)
Food? Should I correct that too weekend meals? It’s our only days fully together…. And I have
to place all my energy in to organise and prepare healthy meals that may or may
not get eaten depending on my daughter and son emotions that day.
4)
Time in? Activities? Trying to persuade my children
we cannot have a veg day, and to do something productive….. We are tired,
exhausted from a busy week. Yet I still
try to get us all involved in a family activity whether that painting plant pots,
making stick family, digging in the mud, or spotting spiders.
5)
The off days!
Are we allowed to complain? Even though we have them off days? You would rather spend all day cuddling your
children than go to work. You use all your brain power to go to work to be
miserable but it’s a necessity to earn a wage.
6)
Their off days! Yes the children are capable of
off days. There’s may occur more often than ours. They cling to your legs,
there smile drops slightly, there become quite clingy insisting they are ill,
or they don’t want to go to school/childcare/nursery or they don’t want you to
leave. The carer words “they’ll be fine once you leave” never comfort you,
because you know deep down they aren’t fine, they want you, there just withholding
their emotions until someone who they care about comes for them again.
Be honest. How many
of you have cried, and when questioned you cannot fully explain why you feel
that way……. If you are lucky and manage to explain fully why you are crying the
most likely response is ‘stop feeling guilty’. But you can’t! It’s simple you just
can’t stop feeling guilty…… yet we try our hardest.
Guilt is not always a rational thing…….guilt is a weight
that will crush you whether you deserve it or not. So those mothers that feel
guilt even though you are working you ass off and what time you get with your
children are spending it the way you WANT then Fuck the guilt, enjoy them time
you have. My daughter is only three years old and she said to me “mam is
beautiful because she cares” …… I never give up trying to better my
parenting. There’s always room to learn,
there plenty of room to fail…..But don’t let the bad cloud the good J
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