The unavoidable breakdown

All Parents have a break down at some point….. Mine was today!

The break down came from nowhere --- well I guess it was build up after all you don’t explode for no reason….. Right?

Taking a minute to reflect on this morning i cannot pinpoint what went wrong, or why I broke down…I assume it was the build-up of everything that’s been thrown at me… My health deteriorating and Battling with myself (work but missing being a stay at home mom). Then my daughter is having difficulty managing her emotions, and the change circumstances --- Then there’s my son who is a Velcro toddler, and we have just took his dummy off him. I guess thinking about it now; I should have seen the odds against me. I should have prepared myself and at least attempted to find a solution.

After a few issues this morning sienna ended up in her room. I heard her scream and then burst into tears…..Dad would say she gets that trait from me, i tend to disagree. When I went upstairs I asked if she would like to talk… ‘No’ was her answer! 

So i told her when she felt like talking i am here. However, Being rejected and knowing she didn't want to talk to me, made me upset. So i went to my room, out the way of my kids and partner. At first I was ashamed as I sank down the wall in tears, shaking and screaming at the tops of my lungs to let my emotions out. After a few minutes, after i settled myself it hit me sometimes it takes an overwhelming breakdown to have an undeniable breakthrough. Letting your emotions out is a way to heal, it clears your mind, and it helps you start again. I felt crap, eyes stinging, dry throat, and tired but i felt clear.

Ten minutes later a little lady came in, and wanted a ‘huggle’, I obliged, we both needed it. After sobbing together, talking and apologizing for exploding, my little lady surprised me “it’s okay mammy, you never ever should hide it” and she is right! What sort of role model would I be to hide my emotions from her when I always discuss and cheer her on for sharing hers? I was been put right.....by my 3 year old daughter, and i couldn't be happier. She could have chosen to tell me off, or to tell me to shut up, but instead she noticed i was sad, and told me never to hide my feelings. How can anyone help you if your not willing to share your problems? My daughter was willing to comfort me despite seeing me fall apart and act like shes never witnessed before.....That small show of love made all the difference.....

And then I fell apart and it was the most beautiful moment ever, because right then, I realized that I could put the pieces back together the way I wanted them.  If my daughter could pick herself up, I could do it.  So I calmed down, and told myself; I will breathe, I will think of a solution! I will not let my worry control me! I will not let stress break me! I will simply breathe, and it will be okay. Because I do not quit! I have two adorable, loving children looking up to me. I am there superhero, and I will not be beaten!

So what I’m trying to say is a bad moment, a bad day, even a bad week, does not make you a bad parent.  A child fills a place in your heart that you never knew was empty. So breathe, they will give you a reason to get back up, and fight.

Being a parent isn’t easy, we are allowed break downs. It is the hardest yet the most rewarding experience ever.  ‘Sometimes you have to experience the bad to appreciate the good that enter your life.’

 I can promise you, getting back up after falling feels amazing!

You have this!

Love A Momma Bear Finding her way!