Dear mothers who want to quit!

Dear mothers who want to quit,

DO NOT QUIT!

I know how you feel like a single parent, despite being in a relationship.

I know it feels like the weight of the world is on your shoulders and that no one really cares that you stayed up till 2 am folding laundry or that you are tired, and making sure all the chores are done ready for the sunrise. Or the fact you are overlooked. I know you sit in the car and put your head on the steering wheel and the tears roll down at times. I know that sometimes you just want to throw in the towel and whisper (or scream) that you’ve had enough of all of this. I know you shake with anger, and silently weep away the stress and loneliness.

I know, because I feel the same way at times.

I remember sitting in the bathroom behind the door with my head in my hands as my tears dropped on my knee, thinking that I couldn’t do this anymore. Feeling like a single parent when I am in the relationship. Thinking I never made a difference. Even though I knew if I stood still, who would clean, who would change nappies and get my little munchkins smiling or even feed them? No one, I knew I was their super hero. Maybe when their older they would realise I tackled all the milestones, tasks and tantrums by myself. But right now, I was struggling.

As I spent hours cleaning, and preparing and planning the day, spending hours on end teaching and experiencing new skills with my children helping them go forward whether it was a new word or walking. I felt like I was treading backwards, sinking further and further.

The time that I struggled was after the birth of my second child, Jacob. A couple of days I was finally at home, already setting the challenge of getting my toddler Sienna into her routine. I was hopeless, emotional, desperate for help……But I was by myself, my partner went back to work with no paternity leave. A couple of weeks later I broke down….Labelled depressed. I wish I sought help quicker. Even then I knew I was expected to plod on like nothing happened, plod on like the pills I was taking wasn’t making me feel like a zombie.

I remember thinking and crying I can do this! You can do this!

They may be hard hours, hard days, hard months. But who else to pull through than their superhero? Called……Mum. Mom, Mam, Mother, Momma! We are undefeatable.

You can pick yourself up, brush off the words that hold you back, and if you have been hurting, we can keep those tears at bay while we get ready. Because we can be a mom today, we NEED to be a mum today. You can look in your children’s eyes and tell them how much you love them  Despite remembering how much they sassed back to you this morning , or how many times they have thrown themselves to the floor because they want chicken nuggets for breakfast. But you can love them unconditionally - we can show it day in and day out, because that is the truth.

A wise friend told me that “A mother understand what a child cannot say.”, whether their days old or years old, we know what our child needs before they say it, or sometimes before they know. We are synchronised to put other needs first. If I had to be honest, I love my job….not many people can say that.

 

What about all the times you have felt like you have messed up? No tell me about all the times you have been amazing and done it perfectly? Who encourages your little ones to go the extra mile, reach a little further? Who does messy paint? And who digs in the mud, or bakes cakes? Who spends time sat down showing your little one how to play with new toys? Or take their first step or crawl? You! Without you they would be sat in the chair watching rubbish television shows or strapped playing xbox! You encourage learning, and make it fun! You’re their cleaner, artist, teacher, teddy, coach, chief and many more.

I asked a few friends what they found difficult about being a single parent and feeling like a single parent. The real answer is “it is harder to expect some help and get none than do it all on your own without expectation.” In all honesty it is true.

So please do not give up, if anything get up and make a difference like you have so many other times. Because that little one is counting on you. They will notice when their older that you have been there from day one.

I believe in you

Your munchkins believe in you!

You have got this, sweet dear mother.

From

Momma Bear